I’m seriously concerned with the body image epidemic that plagues young girls all over the world, especially those in the West or those in other countries who are heavily influenced by Western culture (especially advertising). It is a disease of the mind that girls are suffering and even dying from, whether its a quiet yet nagging discontent the back of their head when they open their closet or look in the mirror to full-blown eating disorders.

I want to discuss two main things from the perspective of young girls from South Asian or Arab backgrounds (speaking from what I know…and of course I could be wrong) - their perceptions and management of their weight and their skin color.

What is the “perfect weight” for a woman?

It’s confusing. Signals from Western advertising and clothing companies tell us that the best and most popular size is somewhere below 10 or 8. Older female family members and Aunties tell us that we should be thinner. I know that so many Asian or Arab girls have been told by mothers and aunts quite plainly - “You’re fat.” - when in all reality they are normal (read: in a healthy weight range for their height) and beautiful.

What do you think this does to their self-esteem, their image of themselves as worthwhile people and their understanding of beauty?

The focus on weight and the shape of a woman’s body is sickeningly obsessive and so dangerously deleterious to her health and happiness.

But there’s another realm that tells us the opposite - that curves are sexy and beautiful (although clothing companies don’t seem to take this into effect when deciding on the shape and fabric of their clothes) and the “hourglass” figure is still in fashion. It’s dangerous to be too thin (not for health reasons) but because there’s still the “You’re too skinny” dialogue from matriarchs as well. (yet if these “too skinny” girls were to gain 5 or 10 pounds, they’d be in danger of the “you’ve let yourself go” speech again).

I hate this back-and-forth game that girls have to play to fit into a perfect dress size that will satisfy their mothers, their aunts, and their future-in-laws and husband. Is there any room in there for a woman to find a size and shape that is healthy and gives her pleasure and happiness?

Am i being cynical? Perhaps. But when my thin friends complain about how “fat” they are and how much weight they’ve gained and when girls thinner than me are trying to take diet pills….I wake up and realize that our community has a serious problem. Do we have anorexics and bulimics? I’m sure we do, but it doesn’t take a physiological disorder to put a girl into serious danger of a lifetime of depression every time she looks in the mirror or goes to the mall.

Am I jealous of thin people? Maybe. I can’t say it doesn’t bug me (and frustrate me) when I have friends who can eat anything and often and still maintain the same figure without much exercise. It takes me a lot of effort to lose weight and a lot of strength not to gain it back.

It’s taken me time to become first comfortable and then happy with my weight and body shape. But Alhamdulillah, I’ve reached the “I’m beautiful and healthy” status and I’m a stronger person for it.

The skin color game is a whole ‘nother issue. We live in a world where foundation and concealer are the most important weapons for a lot of women. The world is generally obsessed with fairness, an mania that comes from a combination of factors like colonialism, Western advertising, and race and class issues. Why did there have to be an entire movement that asserted “Black is Beautiful” - why wasn’t this an understood and praised fact all along? I’m not saying white people are pasty and dull; there’s beauty in every skin color that Allah has created (my fiance is a creamy Arab-Irishman so I definitely am not saying that!) But what bothers me is the active attempts to be white so rampant in the Desi community. Alhamdulillah I never had to go through the “only brown girl in my class” experience (thanks to Ayesha and Sumreen). But I have had to deal with the “stay out of the sun, you’ll tan” and “try this bleach cream” discussions. (Seriously, I’m brown…if i get more tan, would anyone even notice?)

Bleach cream (and diet pills too for that matter) scares me and angers me on an Islamic level. It’s like you’re sending a message to Allah. “Dear God, Thank you for giving me life. But FYI, you made a mistake. You made me the wrong size and the wrong skin color. Too dark and too curvy! But hey, I found this awesome stuff called Fair and Lovely so don’t worry, I can fix your mistake. Ciao!” Seriously? I’m going to bleach my skin because I don’t think it’s white enough? What…the…heck. Let’s sit down and make a list of how many things are wrong with this picture.

A woman is most beautiful when she is healthy and happy with her character, her personality, and her body. Physical beauty is all about how you carry yourself; the natural glow of happiness and contentment is what makes a woman radiant. Not her bra size or her waist size. Not the color of her skin or how straight her teeth are.

Let’s stop focusing on the physical. In one extreme or another.

When looking in the mirror, one should recite the following dua‘:
Allaahum-ma kamaa has-santa khalqee fa`ahsin khuluqee wa har-rim wajhee ‘alan-naar.
Oh Allah, you have beautified my creation (khalaq). So beautify and better my character (khuluq) and make my face forbidden for the Hellfire.

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